How I Learned To Love My Natural Hair

Once upon a time there was a brown girl from South West of Atlanta. All she ever wanted in life was healthy brown strands of hair, a room filled with books, and a refrigerator filled with snacks of various kinds.

Sounds familiar? Hopefully you can relate. I have struggled with my hair for my entire life. From a very young age I remember not being able to fit my hair in a ponytail. Struggling to have my edges to grow on each side. I grew up with the mentality that getting a relaxer or perm would somehow magically fix most of my hair problems.

Not quite. While my hair was not as kinky and knotty as it was prior to the relaxer, it only made things worse. My hair was various lengths, split ends, my scalp was filled with scars, and my hair would be thin around the edges. I don’t blame my mom or aunts because they were passing along to me what they knew to be the best way to take manage little girls hair.

Unfortunately, I didn’t experience the beauty salon trips with my mom. My childhood was quite complicated to say the least. However, when it was time to get our hair done, we shuffled to the braid shop. Braids made me feel special and beautiful. But, the process usually took hours and the stylist only made my thin edges worse. Like most brown girls getting your braids is one thing, maintaining and taking care of them down is completely a different experience all together.

When I look back on my life I now realize how much my hair shaped my self esteem. My self esteem was lost in my perception of beauty and not being pretty enough for those around me. I wanted to have long pretty hair like my classmates. Having a full pressed bang was the move in elementary school. If you didn’t have a bang, you had pick tails like the babies.

My hair never grew properly. I always lost my barrettes and my hair never looked anything like what it was supposed to from the night before. By the time I made it to high school I could barely contain my tears. Boys were noticing me. However, they would pick me apart in ways that made me extremely uncomfortable in the classroom. I remember this guy who I thought was kind of cute sat behind me in math class. He didn’t know my name. One day I heard him call me “split ends” and I burst into tears.

Girls were mean too. One girl who I thought was my friend told me to my face that my hair looked like s#*?. I refused to go to school the next day.

At the time I didn’t understand where my anxiety was coming from or how to express what I needed to heal myself. It was a rough experience and one that I can proudly say that I made it through to the other side.

In 2010, I cut my hair off. I shaved my head and dyed my hair red. At the time I was going through something within my marriage and I wanted to start over. It was the most liberating experience of my life. Within that moment I knew that I was know longer the young woman broken down by negative feelings and other people’s perception of who I am supposed to be. I decided to stop relaxing my hair. I stopped going to the beauty shop to purchase hair weave to be glued to my head. Most importantly I stopped hiding from my insecurities about my hair and who I was a woman.

My hair was a part of me, but it define or limit the fantastic person I was meant to be. I didn’t realize it back in 2010, the significance of the moment. I was making a bold choice for the woman I am today. I have been natural with my hair for almost ten years. I rock braids every now and then. But, for the most part I love the kinky, natural coils that grow from the root of my head.

I learned that my external should reflect my internal. My internal needs constant and frequent maintenance to move powerfully through this life. I check in with myself to make sure I’m making a “me” decision and not a “they” decision.

Whenever I see a woman rocking her natural hair, I applaud and exchange compliments. My hair is finally at the point where it just grows more frequently and that’s because I educated myself on how to love my hair.

Your hair is your crown. Underneath that crown is a queen. Take of her and honor her with positivity and good energy. Don’t allow society to put you inside a box and make you feel less than you are today. You’re beautiful and the way you rock your hair is just an extension of your dopeness!

What’s your hair story?

Tell me in the comments below. Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to follow and share this blog post.

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2 thoughts on “How I Learned To Love My Natural Hair

  1. I am sorry to hear about what you went through as a child about your hair…kids can be so mean. I had natural hair throughout my school days, I only relaxed it the last day of high school because we weren’t allowed to perm our hair at school, so I had relaxed hair until 2013 when I decided to chop it all off. I’ve been natural since then and I’ve been loving the journey, I am even thinking of starting a YouTube Channel. Yaaay to embracing our coils!


  2. Sis this was a beautiful and exhilarating post! I’m so proud that you’re rocking your natural hair effortlessly because you own the way God made you.

    My story is very similar to yours. I was relaxed for a while and didn’t take good care of my hair like the way my mom did. I went to school with guys making fun of my hair. One guy told his friend I would be prettier if my hair was longer. It really played with my self-esteem because I felt like I wasn’t beautiful.

    Today, going onto 4 years natural, I say I’m beautiful because I accept the way I am by appreciating and valuing the way God has made me.

    I’m so inspired by you, thank you for sharing this beautiful story.

    Natonya |


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