Can I tell you a secret?
I used to be stuck behind my insecurities, self worth, and procrastination of what my life could be. I lived with the fear of becoming successful because my life would change. I wasn’t quite ready for what success would bring to my door step. Truthfully, I was in an abusive marriage, I was raising two children with little help, and my little career of writing was still in park. I was stuck in my broken reality. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get from A-B or why God wasn’t answering my prayers. I prayed constantly and talked to God about the things I wanted to see happen in my life. Yet, nothing was manifesting in the way I desired and hoped. I was stuck in a downward spiral of regret, anxiety, and sorrow. I loved my husband and I really wanted our marriage to work. It was the reason I jumped into our marriage. But, my happily ever after quickly turned into a nightmare.
I didn’t understand why the man I loved would want to hurt me so badly with his words and sometimes with his hands. Didn’t he know I loved him from deep within ? Was I that broken and damaged on the inside ? Was this how love felt ? As far as I knew back then love represented putting up and settling for so little just for companionship or security. I’d come from a broken home or a dysfunctional environment that I normalized disrespect. I didn’t understand my value beyond my physical appearance. Never experienced or witnessed the way a man was supposed to love and treat a woman. The couples I knew went through there problems, publicly and privately. But, they stayed together and were happy. Or so I assumed.
The only version of success I knew was on a television screen or magazine. Success signified in my mind that you had to go through the ugly stuff when you’re young. When you’re an adult life suddenly gets better and success and wealth is apart of the package. I didn’t have the tools or resources on how to obtain success. People worked regular jobs and struggled to get by. I adopted this mentality when I became an adult. Frequently procrastinating or to afraid to try something new.
I was stuck behind a false reality, broken promises, and an illusion of what I presumed was success. I used to be stuck, that is until I made up my mind to break the chains and trust God. My relationship with God began to mature over time. I began to trust Him more. And when I lost it all and had to start over I never lost hope that God was right by my side. God was never not present in my chaos or confusion. My life was filled with so much clutter and distractions that it became challenging to receive His word. Which ultimately made me feel as if God wasn’t listening or paying attention.
Sometimes we have to become quiet and still in order to receive insight into the right direction God wants to take our lives. When I look back on all of things that were coming up in my life, I like to look at them as battles. Battles that were preparing me for where I am today and where God wants to lead and use me. At the time I thought those battles were going to destroy me mentally, physically, and emotionally. But, they only made me stronger and pushed me towards trusting God and leaning on what is happening before my eyes. My faith grew ten times Mt. Everest.
My message to you is don’t be afraid to share your story and don’t become stuck with where you are today. Whatever you may be experiencing good or bad, God is guiding you towards His plans and purpose for you. We have everything we need to maximize our full potential in this life. Sometimes we become so in tuned with what the world says we need to fill fulfilled or to be regarded as successful. That more often than not God becomes a cliche phrase in our highlight reel. Don’t lose hope and don’t give up on your goals , dreams, and hearts desires. You don’t have to have it all figured out to start . All you have to do is trust that what God has put into your heart to do. It will manifest in due time.
Pray. Dream. Win.
Did you used to be stuck ? Tell me about it. Leave a comment. Thank you for reading and following.
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