3 Ways Writing Saved My Life & Gave Me Purpose

When I began writing it was inside of my diary. It was a notebook covered in purple and orange hearts. It came with a lock and key. I was around ten years old when a loved one gifted the notebook to me. When they handed me the notebook, they said “Write whatever you want in it”. Of course, at ten years old I didn’t know exactly what the value of the words they shared with me. Somehow those words stuck to me and refused to be moved.

I’d sit in the center of my bed and write my little heart out. The depth of my writing was limited to my ten year old perspective of the world. I was still figuring things out. Life was fuzzy and often blurred between what I saw on television and what I experienced in real life.

I remember vividly writing in my diary to grow up and become a beautiful person. Back then that only meant being glamorous and admired by men. My diary was my safe space to speak my mind. Although I didn’t understand half of what I wrote, it was the most rewarding feeling I ever experienced.

Over the years I allowed my writing to take a back seat in my life. I discovered boys, fashion, and money. All of those things had a time and a significant factor in my life. But, writing was always in the back of my mind.

As I discussed openly in my book Pieces Of Me :Things I’ve Learned Along The Way, I became someone I didn’t recognize or understand anymore because of an abusive relationship. I was drowning in a reality that I created for myself. I desperately needed to remedy the constant pain and agony I experienced frequently.

My writing in my diary days were long behind and I had so much to say about my life. With my son on my hip I opened up a word document and began to write.

Every morning, noon, and night I typed my heart out on my computer. When people ask me did you always know that you wanted to be a writer. I always answer honestly with a no. I wanted to be a author. But, that meant going back to school and a life of rejection from literary agents.

I like to tell people that writing saved me and God chose me to share my words. I didn’t have a clue on the direction I wanted to take my life. I was headed down a dark path and my dreams of publishing were being erased.

Writing saved me and gave me purpose because it gave me the permission to look within myself and question my existence. I learned to tune into that voice inside of me that said, “I have something to say and I should be allowed to say it.”

I always tell people three things :

1. God has a gift inside of you. You just have to be willing to go deep within to find it.

2. You don’t need other people to validate your writing. You just need the will to pick up the pen and pad.

3. Writing is self expression and your spirits freedom to move in this life.

I take all of these things with me. I may not write inside of a diary anymore. But, I write to remind myself that everything I am going through in life is preparing me for the next chapter. So, I write to hold on to the valuable lessons life is teaching me.

Write the words that make your heart sing and give others the reason to turn the page.

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http://www.themcwalker.com

5 Ways I Learned To Trust In Love Again After Heartbreak

When my marriage ended in 2013 I felt a large void consume my heart. The only love I’d ever known was the love of my high school sweetheart.  I was a relationship girl at my core. So, every relationship I entered before marriage I assumed would automatically lead to the happily ever after we all dream about.  Walking away from my broken marriage was one of the toughest decisions of my life. Why? I was walking into the unknown as an adult woman with two children to support. I was comfortable in a household with my husband sharing expenses, bills, and rent. Now, everything would be on me until the divorce was finalized.

I knew logically I was making the right decision. The marriage was dying and we needed to go our separate ways. But, the emotional baggage that I was carrying would slow me down mentally and spiritually. I felt broken in many ways. Automatically I felt the desire to fill that void in my life with a companion. After all, the world teaches us it’s better to be in a relationship than miserable and alone. For two years, I was in and out of situation-ships, some good, bad, and very ugly. I was not getting what I needed from the relationships. I always felt like I was pursuing a relationship with someone and working twice as hard to maintain it. Even if I knew the relationship was causing me emotional and spiritual turmoil. I wanted someone to spend my in between times with and give me a little attention.

Once my marriage was finalized in 2015, I felt a sense of release and confidence like never before. I was so sick and tired of having the awkward conversation of explaining my last name. Going through trial and error of putting my life back together and feeling like I was drowning more than I was actually swimming. I needed a rebirth or a second chance to reclaim my life.

I didn’t want to become one of those women who associated all men as being dogs. Whose heart had become hard as ice and every word out of her mouth was bitter and negative. I still believed in love despite the many many wounds I endured. By the time 2016 arrived, I was ready to finally unlearn everything I knew about love. I was mentally ready to receive the right type of love that I deserved. After all, people were still getting married and it existed in other forms around me.

Here’s how I learned to trust in love again:

  1. Forgive me and my ex-husband: We married for love and not hate. We were not prepared for the marriage and that’s okay to admit.
  2. Understand the way you love first: I love from a place of genuineness and honesty. I can’t turn my love off like a faucet. Once I love you, it’s nearly impossible for me to stop. My love is a plant. It needs to receive the same type of love that I give to others.
  3. Being single is a blessing: During my single months and years, I learned more about myself that I never knew. It was a period of discovery and healing. While being single in the beginning was hard and challenging. It was important for me to be alone to give myself the love I was seeking in others.
  4. Love equals wholeness: I jumped into my marriage with the eagerness of a school girl. I ran right into womanhood with real-life adult problems. I looked to my husband to fulfill the spaces inside of me that were incomplete or lacking. If he didn’t do this or that, he didn’t love me. I can’t say he didn’t love me. But, I did place false expectations of love on him. I was half complete when I entered the relationship. Now I understand I need to be whole within me before searching for the missing parts in another.
  5. Time is my friend: I ran away from the breakdown of my marriage and family. It was too painful to admit or discuss openly. I was beautiful and smart, so men would automatically be attracted to me. But, I learned the hard way that just because someone likes you, doesn’t mean they value you. Time is my friend because I learned I am worth so much more than just on the surface relationship or interaction with people. Time allowed me to rebuild my heart and give love a second chance with a renewed mindset.

 

It’s 2018, I’m not in a committed relationship with anyone. And for the first time in my life. That’s okay with me. I’ve come full circle when it comes to choosing love. My feet are firmly planted on the ground and my heart remains open to the right possibilities. I’ve fought to become this strong warrior goddess of love. I want to honor her every day and in every way, I can each day.  I’m not settling and I’m no rush to jump into something temporary. I’m waiting for a love of my own and until that day comes I’m giving all that love to me.

 

Do you still believe in love? Why or why not? Tell me about it.

 

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Visit me http://www.themcwalker.com

 

5 Things That Made Me Grateful In August

PSALM 136: 1–3:

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever”

 

When the month of August started I was letting go of a few things. Old habits, adjusting my attitude, my flaws and shortcomings. August was all about new beginnings. Turning the page and putting one foot in front of the other. Some things were certainly easier said than done.

I was constantly trying to live my best life and accomplish all of my ambitions within a short period of time. I was competing with myself and I was losing. Each month I’d start out strong and suddenly find myself trying to stretch beyond my capabilities. I was going so fast that my head was spinning and the world around me was beginning to crumble. I’m a person that likes to have some sort of control over my life, actions, and thoughts. I’m a person of great faith and although I’m in control of myself, I yield to God’s presence over my life. Sometimes I want to accelerate the process and move past where I am to get to my destination. God allows me to go just far enough before I hit a roadblock and turn back to Him for guidance.

 

Like anyone else, I’m not all bad and I’m certainly not all good. I’m a continuous work in progress. When August began I released all of the heavy burdens on my shoulders. Apologized to me for criticizing and judging myself so harshly for being human. I accepted that every step is a powerful step in the right direction. August was more confirmation that I am on a journey of learning more about the woman I’m destined to become in this life.  August made me realize that I have a lot to be grateful for despite where I am in this chapter of my life.

  1. After all the trials and tribulations, my oldest son is finally on the right path of understanding his presence in the world. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it comes right on time.
  2. New connections and opportunities- I used to talk myself out of paying for an online course or meeting someone new at a coffee shop. I thought I couldn’t afford the course or I could find it for free online. Meeting new people wasn’t about them, it was more about me being confident and comfortable in my skills and qualities that I bring to the table. I realized that if something was important enough to me, I would find the money to support my goal. I learned that my accomplishments are noteworthy and that I am capable of bridging the gap of where I am and where I am going.
  3.  Forward: Sometimes things work out in our favor and sometimes they don’t for the better. When we don’t get the result we want we can choose to accept the defeat or rejection as an opportunity for growth. Or we can shrink down within ourselves and analyze the situation and try to control things. As I come more into my womanhood, I’ve learned that the best thing you can do is be grateful that things didn’t work out the way you intended. Trust and believe that God has something better on the other side for you. Move on with your life.
  4. Healing friendships: I always looked at my friends as apart of my family. Like family you have disagreements. Unlike family, friendships take a lot more maintenance and honesty. I needed to be honest about the amount of energy I was pouring into my friendship. I needed to give as much as I was asking to receive in my friendships in order for them to grow.
  5. Appreciate the NOW: Don’t think it’s not happening just because it’s not happening now. This is a part of the process. This is needed for it to happen. Everything is conspiring towards my ultimate victory. Sometimes it may be hard to see or understand. But, it the truth.

 

I always want to lead with a grateful and humble heart. We are put on this earth to learn and share our gifts with the world. Every day is an opportunity for us to grow one step closer to who God created us to be. I’m looking forward to an abundant September. I hope you are too!

How was your August?

 

blk n white

5 Books Every Woman Needs To Read In 2018

Between blogging, parenting, networking, and everything else my reading time is just for me. Reading allows me to readjust my thinking and reflect on all of my actions up unto this point. Before summer 2018 ends, I’m sharing my reading list with you. Why? Reading is caring and I care about your mental health.

  1. Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis: I’m not a huge fan of over the top personalities telling me how to live my life. Well, that all changed when I read Girl, Wash Your Face. If you are looking for a good book that will help you appreciate where you are in your journey and motivated towards the future. This is the book for you. Each chapter is much better than the last and you will pass this one along to your favorite girlfriends.
  2. Broke Millenial by Erin Lowry: Ask a critic and they will tell you that millennials are all gadgets and social media. When it comes to understanding how and where to spend their money, Millenials could care less. Thankfully Erin Lowry speaks millennials. Broke Millenials does a great job of presenting practical how-to money advice in a conversational way. The tone of the book is relatable and authentic. Get your money right with this helpful resource.
  3. Well, That Escalated Quickly Memoirs and Mistakes Of An Accidental Activist: I learned of Franchesca Ramsey via GIPHY.  Her comical expression, sharp wit, and a funny and timely perspective on relevant issues grabbed my attention. Franchesca says what you’re thinking and more. This is one book that will cross generations and genders.
  4. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas: Are you reading Angie’s tweets? Liking her Instagram post? Well, go run to your favorite social media platform and add Angie Thomas to your favorites list. Angie is just a real, humble, and authentic as they come. The Hate U Give breathes life into a fresh voice on the pages of how the struggles of everyday life chew us up and spit us out. But, in the end, we have more power than we realize. This one is for you, your girlfriends, and her pubescent daughters.
  5. Get Over It by Iyanla Vanzant: Need a spiritual check-up? Iyanla is the go-to source for self-reflection and owns your ish. Iyanla shares how we have disconnected from our personal power and intuitive light. With a step by step guide to tapping into your higher vibrational self. This book is for every modern day woman discovering her voice and moving towards greatness.

Black Girl At Coffee Shop Chs 5

 

What are you reading this month? What books have you read this year? Leave a comment and share this post with a friend.

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How Love Is….Gives Millenials A Fresh Perspective On Finding True Love In 2018

love is own

Photo credit: OWN Network

 

Every now and then a show comes along that makes you reconsider your perspective on finding love in a hookup culture. OWN Network new show Love Is gives us a glimpse into falling in love in the 90’s. Do you remember the 90’s? Come on now! Living Single, The Fresh Prince, Family Matters, Martin, and A Different World. The 90’s were all about fighting for black love and family. Do you remember when DeWayne confessed his love for Whitney at her wedding? Yep. How about when Will dressed up in a fat suit and told Lisa he loved her in the grocery store? Awww man! That’s the kind of love we need and will cherish forever.

Back in the 90’s black love was everywhere. You always witnessed the man chasing after his woman because he loved and wanted their love. Black women held downs careers and dated without objectifying themselves. We were empowered and inspired to have a Nina and Darius kind of love when we grew up. Why not? If it was on tv, it could happen in real life.

Every Tuesday, we get to revisit the 90’s era on OWN. With fresh faces, Michele Weaver as Nuri and Will Catlett, Yasir, we are in for an overdose of a romantic drama. Created and based off of the love story of super producers Mara Brock Akil and her hubby Salim Akil.

If you know Mara, she’s going to give you some hip, cool, and edgy flavor with her female characters. Mara’s character may be a bit complicated in the love department. However, they are bold powerhouses whether in the boardroom or behind the scenes of a tv show. Don’t you remember Being Mary Jane, The Game, and Girlfriends? Yes, exactly! Mara is the truth and she holds nothing back in this new show.

I’ll have to admit I was nervous about Love Is when it first came onto the scene. Why? I’m a hopeless romantic and a modern-day woman looking for that perfect hook into a show that I can sync my toes and feet into weekly. Over the past few years, I’ve been missing a strong female character that I could relate to beyond skin tone. I could get suspense, intrigue, drama, and stupidity on other networks. But, I always felt less fulfilled. There was nothing on television like Girlfriends or Living Single. The sisterhood narrative was dead. Black men were not interested in saving the family. So, I as a viewer was left with other options to fill the void in my heart. How about you?

Now, I’ve seen a few shows tackle black love from a variety of perspectives and decades. More often than not, it’s the same narrative of the single black woman scrumping through breadcrumbs in the dating world. Granted she may be successful, stylish, financially stable, and popular amongst friends. The man in her life is often questionable. He’s either someone’s man, a tool, outside our race, not interested in marriage, the disgruntled ex, or just the annoying sometimes sexually fluid male friend. Ugh! Yeah, those shows are entertaining. But, they give power to the mentality that finding real genuine love is impossible in our society. Black women don’t get married. The black family is irreversibly broken. So, you might as well hookup, settle, or become the glorified side chick.

Luckily, Mara and Salim found it worthy enough for us to learn from their love story. After all twenty years of marriage is a major accomplishment. When we meet Nuri, she’s hard at work on a script and trying to find her footing in LA. Within a year she’s purchased a home, has a gig on a hit tv show, and she has a few options for male suitors. Not bad for a girl with a California dream. Yasir is a single dad who has relocated to California with his girlfriend Ruby. However, their relationship is on a downward spiral to break up-ville. Ruby’s fed up with Yasir’s pipe dreams and needs money for the bills. While Yasir is a devout Muslim who’s going through a hard time trying to support himself and his dream.

Well, if you’re guessing that Yasir and Nuri fall in love at first sight. You’re wrong. Sorry. Wrong show.  Yasir and Nuri briefly meet and go their separate ways. That’s right. Timing is everything. Yasir and Nuri don’t cross paths until a year later. Being a gentleman, Yasir asks Nuri on a date and well…the rest is in the show.

Love is, is not the ordinary show where you meet two characters searching for love and playing hopscotch with multiple partners. Quite the contrary my friends, you’re going to get a lot more depth and sensuality. While rooting for Nuri and Yasir, you will discover that Yasir is a man of great principles and values. While he’s in a situation with Ruby, he’s not dipping his spoon in her coffee. He’s actually a good guy. While Nuri seems a bit career obsessed and likes to have options on her phone. You will come to discover that even as a modern woman of the 90’s she has standards and rules that a lot of women can relate to today.

Love Is, is filled with quirky, sarcastic characters that are not afraid and unapologetic about keeping it real. Here’s the best part about the show: You get a realistic happily ever after. Most shows throw you into the love story and you are left to conclude what happens to the couple twenty years later. Well, Yasir and Nuri are of course married and they are recounting their love story for us.

Do you believe in love? Depends on your generation. If you’re between 18-25, your perspective on love is pretty watered down like your great aunt’s kool-aid.  Unfortunately, our television programs give us dysfunctional relationships that we have come to normalize in our real life. Love seems almost impossible if you’re a thirty-something woman with two or more kids, divorced or never married. Your dating options consist of swiping left or right online, searching through your friend friends list on Facebook,  dating in the workplace, or trying to work through your problems in a bad relationship. Unfortunately, after forty-something women finding love for a single and accomplished woman is harder than finding a needle in a haystack.

What are we left with to believe in love? We idolize celeb relationships, look to our great aunts or uncles for marital advice, cheer on our friends as they head for the altar, and pray that God sends us someone to love. Trust me, it’s tough if you’re a single man or woman.

Here’s the beautiful poetic thing about Love Is and it’s timing. People are still dating and meeting new people online. Why? We don’t want to be in this life alone. Yes, the odds are challenging and filled with more headaches than Tylenol can handle. But, Love Is gives the young woman with a career hope that she can have it all. It may not come in the perfect package. But, when it arrives at your doorstep open it with an open heart. For men,  Yasir is an example that through self-control and discipline your ambitions are not futile. You just need the right partner to be in alignment with your vision. Who you are at your core doesn’t have to be compromised to find love. Love will find you when you are open and ready to receive it. And when you find it, you fight for it. Not with just your words but with your actions. Sometimes love is only a script, coffee shop, or an introduction away from changing your life.

 

Do you believe in love? Have you found love to believe in 2018?

 

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20 Things To Write About This Summer

It’s summer 18! It’s time to experience life on a completely different level. You’re probably sick and tired of barbecues, nightclubs, and swiping on Tinder looking for a date. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Lucky for you, I’m all about living in the moment and exploring new challenges this year. Summer only comes around once a year. Why do the same thing over and over again? I believe that we should all have a journal just to keep a momento of what we have learned over the years. Why not start with summer? Here are twenty things you will be inspired to write about this summer:

1. The worst summer movie

2. Your Tinder date from hell

3. The day you unplugged from social media

4. Shopping with your grandparents or parents

5. That one time you lied and got away with it or sort of

6. The hardest decision you had to make this summer

7. What happened when you DM your MCM

8. 5 Things You Can’t Tell Anyone Not Even Your BFF

9. The worst day of your life

10. Your favorite selfie

11. Your first kiss, when, where, and more details

12. A how to post on something you attempted for the first time

13. A letter to last summer you. What have you learned about yourself?

14. Write about your most embarrassing moment

15. An anti bucklist: Things you will never do

16. The last thing that made you cry happy tears

17. Write a letter to your favorite influencer

18. That time you and a stranger shared a laugh

19. What’s your favorite thing to do offline

20. What is your favorite memory from this summer?

Enjoy the summer! Don’t forget a selfie is worth a thousand words. But, a good journal entry will last a lifetime!

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